Why your relationship to time is your relationship to life
I was on it Saturday morning boiii. The inner dialogue racket was real.
I woke up early and *chose* to lounge til I knew I would definitely be late.
“Why would I give a child-free Saturday to be at the center when I could be working on my ‘own stuff’?”
“It’s cold, I’m tired, how did I get looped into this, downtown parking costs so much” blah blah blah.
“I don’t like commitments and doing stuff and clothes and gloves and layers” and all that.
And then I showed up anyway and got my ENTIRE life from EVERY moment of being of service and mastering the physical space. I am so glad I didn’t let my fee-fees keep me from taking action, even if my integrity was way out.
But what a gift to be able to show up and share with my team that I was late just because I didn’t want to come even though I knew I’d get value from being there—and for them to extend the quality of listening that there’s nothing fundamentally “bad or wrong” about me or any of it; just a missing of my presence.
That quality of listening creates a clearing cuz I can just say what’s so. Self-expression neutralizes everything.
And when integrity is out (which it always is on some level), at best there is a structure for restoring it beyond empty apologies or “feeling bad,” which would have been fake because I wasn’t actually sorry about anything.
What’s clear for me is that our feelings, reasons and circumstances have nothing to do with our ability to perform.
Feeling stopped without a way to take action is symptomatic of not coming from the place that we are responsible for all of our lives.
Insights and platitudes are cute, but life happens in the actions we take.
So yeah I can be late and not be bad or wrong. AND I can also give my word to something and honor it, not because I’m a “good person,” but because I said I would.
And Sunday morning, I arrived on time. Not because I “had to,” but chose to. There’s always a next moment to restore/regenerate/atone...and BE the woman I declare I am.
Just gotta give it up, get off it, and act in alignment with my commitments.
Ain’t nobody got time for self-indulgence and we’ve got work to do.
Everything is relationship. What’s your relationship to time? Are you “time-consumed,” or do you master time?